Respite Retreat

This past weekend Erich and I attended a respite retreat for couples who are grieving the death of their child.  The retreat was at The Hiding Place just outside of Nashville, TN.  Dave and Nancy Guthrie were our hosts.  You can read more about their story here.   I'm still processing much of what we discussed and will share a few bits and pieces this week.  Here are a few photos from our stay.

We met a group of amazing people. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I never expected to care so deeply for a group of people that were unknown to me just last week.  I truly do cherish each and every relationship formed this past weekend.

Memory Book

Nathan's teacher put together this memory book for us.  These are a few of my favorite pages.  To be honest... they may have also been the ones that made me cry the most.  I know that his teacher misses him also.  We are so grateful for teachers that care so much... thank you.

Library Donation

The teachers and staff at Nathan's school donated many items to the local public library in memory of him.  Here are just a few of them.  It makes me happy to think that so many children will be able to enjoy these things.  

 Collin had fun putting the puzzle together.

Our Weekend

We kept ourselves busy here this past weekend.  Here are a few highlights.

We had some family over for a cook out on Friday.  The food was yummy and the company was exceptional.  Thanks for coming!

On Saturday we went up to the farm to celebrate Mom's birthday.   We dug out a flower bed and plan to replace it with shrubs.  Less maintenance ;)

Sunday was a teacher appreciation and retirement picnic.  Our principal is retiring after 40 years of service.  What an example of commitment to leading little ones to the Lord!

 Sunday afternoon hail storm.

The school year is starting to wind down.  Only 8 more days.  This is the first year I can say that I'm not sure I'm ready for vacation.  My kindergarten class keeps my mind and body busy.  All that time at home scares me a bit.  I find some of my hardest times are when it is just Collin and me alone.  We've signed Collin up for a few extra activities this summer in hopes to keep him busy.  We want to try and avoid both of us turning into "bumps on the log"  ;)  I should work on figuring out what to do with the time when he is away.  Any suggestions?

Signs of Spring

The weather seems to slowly be warming up in this area.  The lilac and the tree were both gifts given to us after Nathan's passing.  I'm looking forward to seeing them grow.

 

Did you notice that wood planter??  My dear husband had two made for me for Mother's Day. :)

I'm looking forward to some vegetable gardening.  Thanks sweetie!

Confirmation

We attend our nieces confirmation this past weekend.  Erich and I are both sponsors for Laura.  Her confirmation took place at a small country church.  

As I was editing this photo I realized that Erich and I look very somber.  I didn't find one that we didn't have these exact same expressions on.  I know that one day we will smile easily again... God will see us through this time in our lives.

Quiet Week

Not much happening for us this past week.  

The days march on and we move along...  

the terrain is rocky and full of valleys.

The Garden

 My sister and I decided to plant a garden together this year.  Her husband tilled up this garden by an old farm house that her in-laws own.  No one has lived there for a while and it had become overgrown.  We planted the seeds on Saturday with the help of Ava, Charlie and Pa.  

On their way home from Mother's Day lunch they decided to stop by Fleet Farm and pick up some fertilizer.... or was it Weed and Feed.... What's the difference....right?  Big difference Vic!  Needless to say we will be replanting.  ;)

  Vicki was pardoned from that huge error by making homemade Coffee Cake.  Just like grandma used to make.  Good job... it was delicious!

Collin had a fun time once again with his cousins.  

Pa and Grandma need a new rope on the dinner bell.  Collin broke it off!!!

Sorry!

Shoes

I've seen this a few times now on various blogs and wanted to share it here too.

My Shoes...

I am wearing a pair of shoes. 

They are ugly shoes. 

Uncomfortable shoes. 

I hate my shoes. 

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. 

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them. 

I get funny looks wearing these shoes. 

They are looks of sympathy. 

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. 

They never talk about my shoes. 

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. 

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. 

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. 

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. 

There are many pairs in this world. 

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them. 

Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much. 

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. 

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. 

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. 

They have made me who I am..

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.


Author: Unknown

Tough Day

The anticipation of Mother's Day seems to be rearing it's ugly head.  I have read that the days leading up to holidays can be tougher than the actually holiday.  It appears that I'm following along in that typical range.

Elementary teachers all across America were helping children finish up the little gifts they had made for their mothers.  My classroom included.  I should have known Collin would be bringing me something too.  The intensity of my emotions caught me by surprise for some reason.  It was a beautiful beaded key chain with the letters of his name on some of the beads.  It hurt more than I imagined when I realized there would be no second keychain with beads spelling Nathan's name coming home this year.  I had to have Erich tuck it away for me.
This was a bad day.  

It's a Beautiful "Tractor Driving" Kind of Day

The weather in Wisconsin this spring has been very cool and rainy.  Today we had a little break and the sun came out.  There is a lot of action in the fields by our house and my thoughts turn to Nathan as he would have been so happy watching the machinery.  

I miss...

...hearing the rumble of tractor wheels across the wood floors in our house. 
...watching him load wagons of blocks.
...washing tractors after they have been out in the dirt.
...hearing him say, "Look at me mom!" as he drives by.


Missing my John Deere boy today. 


Deb

Do we have any answers yet?

No, we still have not received an answer as to why Nathan passed that night.  Things included on list are: seizure, heart problems and ?.  (We were totally unaware of any heart problems... that was a shock to us.)


It was just a regular night for us... we said prayers, tucked him in, said I love you and told him to have sweet dreams... just like the night before and the night before that.  Erich was to be at a Haz-mat meeting, but they had cancelled it.  (something that rarely happens)  Thought about getting a sitter and going out to supper, but she was sick.  We were both meant to be home that night.  We both think back to that night... we had no idea how our lives were about to be changed.


The Lord knew the date of Nathan's birth and he knew the date he would go home to heaven.  Nathan's baptismal verse was:  I have called you by name, you are mine.  Isaiah 43:1  I know that he was a gift from the Lord, I just didn't realize I would have to give him back so soon. 


He will remove all of their sorrows, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  For the old world and its evils are gone forever.  Revelation 21:4

Signing our names

It's crossed my mind a few times how I would handle this type of situation and I've managed to side step it up till now.  This morning it caught me by surprise when it came time to sign the pew pad at church.  It asks you to list each person that attended by name.  Makes this new "normal" so real.  


On the positive side I can say I went two days in a row with out crying this past week.  (That ended after church today.)  I wasn't even "trying" to... it just happened.  It was a little 2 day respite.  Weird how I view this event as milestone in this journey.  I know that your prayers are part of the reason for this.  Thanks so much for continuing to remember our family.


Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28